In one of my previous blogs, "What defines a woman," I iterated some of my opinions about how society labeled them.
I have come to a realization that my habits have succumbed to the societal nomenclature of the "Damsel in distress" syndrome. I never liked the idea of being a victim nor even want to have the notion of becoming one. Yet, here I am pondering in my devious little brain that it's all I've ever known from the time I was aware of existing.
I could give you a list of reasons why I hung out more with men than I did with women. But for now, I'll just state that I feel that men are less likely to feel "victimized" by women than they would with other men. I'm pretty sure there would be some men who might disagree with me, but all I am left with is my emotional state of contempt for being a woman.
I'm done playing the "blame game." I have always felt I could be so much more if I had been born a man. It wasn't always a constant reverie, but the notion stayed at the back of my mind. I understand now what my male friends have been nagging at me for so many years. If I could just dish out my hang-ups for whatever reason I'm holding them on for, I could be anything - an awesome human being to be with.
The resonating truth of my fibrous being is just waiting for me to do something about it. I am at a total loss on how to go about it. No therapy is worth the effort if I'm not motivated enough to commit to it. I'll be just wasting a talented skill of my counselor out the door.
I am capable of many things. I have seen the challenges I have taken. I have completed each challenge with a high rate of success. I have been very proud of my accomplishments. Nothing hurts me more than hearing people say, "It's not good enough." When it comes right down to it, I've honestly done my best. It hurts me because my auto response triggers the most obnoxious criticism from my subconscious. I am forever stuck feeling depressed and emotionally overwhelmed by the tone of how someone had criticized me. It gets pretty bad when my body starts to shake and tears welling up in my eyes because people start assuming that I have begun to look emotionally unstable. I may even look incapable of being a reasonable person. As we all know, assumption is a dangerous act to take when an argument has taken place. What they don't understand is, I'm trying to fight the other half of me from ripping this person apart with my bare hands. I almost did - once.
With that being said, I have come to a conclusion of how to explain my predicament. Imagine yourself living in a house full of mirrors. Would you want to continue living in it? How would you cope having to look every single day of your life into each and every mirror in the household? I am that mirror. Whatever emotion you reflect regardless of intent, I will absorb it. I will fight my hardest not to reflect it back ten fold. My therapist and counselor have advised me to take a step back and imagine myself holding a shield. They advised that building a wall will not help anyone; let alone help myself from becoming a better person in the long run.
I don't regret being a woman. I just wish I knew how to get over this feeling of being a victim in every adversity or whenever someone criticizes me with unreasonable prejudices. It takes me a while to differentiate constructive criticism from a biased one; especially when it's coming from a woman. Most women are known for subtle shrewdness. It's daunting for me if the aforementioned triggers kick in when the criticism is coming from a man; especially when it's someone older than I am.
I have taken precautions not to listen to my subconscious. It's not something someone should try to provoke me in doing. Even though I have taken steps to rely on my feelings more than I do my subconscious, it doesn't mean I am incapable of being a reasonable person.
Even if a woman such as myself is capable of putting my emotions aside, it doesn't change the fact that my limitations hinder me from accomplishing any tasks. I like to be challenged. It takes my mind off from wandering in the abyss of my depression. If it takes me to be this honest to allow me to be a better person around other people, then let me be. Maybe, just maybe; I don't have to feel being victimized all the damn time all because I'm a woman.
Edited 4/7/2016
Thursday, February 25, 2016
Tuesday, February 16, 2016
Possible tattoo for my arm?
Cool Panda Samurai artwork
Cool Coheed and Cambria backdrop album cover
Coheed and Cambria backdrop by David Seidman
Coheed and Cambria backdrop by plasticmantis on DeviantArt
Family Clan Animal
Asian Panda by Fiona Hsieh. Honestly, where else would a panda be other than the zoo?
Asian Panda O: by FionaHsieh on DeviantArt
Deviant Art Design Battle "Artists United" Winner
Deviant Art Design Battle "Artists United" by Rey J. I still have this T-Shirt in good condition. I actually wanted the black color T-Shirt which sold out immediately after it was launched. I wish DeviantWear would open shop again.
Da Design 2 color shirts
Favorite Deviant artist
Lost Sheep by Ursula Vernon. I still want to get this tattoo inked on my skin.
Lost Sheep by ursulav on DeviantArt
An Epiphany about "Where's Waldo"
Favorite DC Super hero team
This was taken from http://stevegarciaart.deviantart.com/gallery/ and posted by Yano.com
A sad but true problem when artist's work do not get revenue in their intended website because of incidents such as this.
Please go to Steve Garcia's active Instagram account and give him the support and credit he deserves.
https://www.etsy.com/shop/djsdecals
A sad but true problem when artist's work do not get revenue in their intended website because of incidents such as this.
Please go to Steve Garcia's active Instagram account and give him the support and credit he deserves.
https://www.etsy.com/shop/djsdecals
Favorite DC Super hero
Favorite Marvel Super hero
http://marvel.com/characters/57/storm
Footnote: Even TinEye couldn't find the original source of the Artist in question. Too much "noise" to filter through.
Footnote: Even TinEye couldn't find the original source of the Artist in question. Too much "noise" to filter through.
Looking Positively Radiant
In the recent weeks, staying positive while reality is slapping me in the face, can be mentally exhausting, overwhelming and has the tendency to get me piqued.
It's not so much of not wanting to stay positive; especially when someone like me, is so emotionally attached to everything. Even in the midst of my prayers with God, I have little reminders egging me to listen.
After getting fully acquainted with the nuance of Blogger's recent integration with Google+, I've embraced the simplicity of the application without resentment. I wish so much to switch my brain for a logical one, but I wouldn't be quite the same.
So, here's to my personal mission statement:
I will do my best to be aware of the people I'm affecting around me. Perhaps collaborate and compromise in applying the best solution to a certain situation; as needed. I was told that not every solution available works for the situation at that particular time. I should also continue to better my well-being regardless of my emotional state. I certainly do not want to end up like my father. He worked himself to the grave; literally. He spent so much time trying to finish a project without getting much needed rest, social interaction, proper diet (too much soda and processed food) or at least some quality time for himself or his family.
I was raised to always love the work I do and to take pride in it even if it's not something I'm good at. Even if I lack the ability to solve a problem instantaneously, I can still solve problems with little to none of any repercussions.
The benefits of staying positive have worked wonders for people who keep at it. They're more energetic. They stay younger. They are able to keep fit. Most of all, they become well-rounded and reasonable people to hang out and be with.
Applying all of these positive affirmations, such as, "I can do this," or "God give me strength and the will to pass the day without quitting," have its limitations too. This is why God rested. It's not that He gave up. He just wanted to sit, relax, and enjoy His marvelous work of art. The reason for us to fervently desire perfection is because we just want to be like Him: omniscient, immortal, powerful, and gracious.
The most powerful advice Jesus gave to his disciples is, "If you want to be great in God's Kingdom, you have to learn to be the servant of all." (Matthew 20:26) With that being said, I have to be grateful to those who taught me how to stay positive and improve my well-being and lifestyle.
I like how Nadia Goodman stated in her article about challenging the negative thoughts. I've been left idle for far too long in the day that allows me to dwell on the negative thoughts. I need to keep myself engaged in something productive. That's what I'm going to do.
It's not so much of not wanting to stay positive; especially when someone like me, is so emotionally attached to everything. Even in the midst of my prayers with God, I have little reminders egging me to listen.
After getting fully acquainted with the nuance of Blogger's recent integration with Google+, I've embraced the simplicity of the application without resentment. I wish so much to switch my brain for a logical one, but I wouldn't be quite the same.
So, here's to my personal mission statement:
I will do my best to be aware of the people I'm affecting around me. Perhaps collaborate and compromise in applying the best solution to a certain situation; as needed. I was told that not every solution available works for the situation at that particular time. I should also continue to better my well-being regardless of my emotional state. I certainly do not want to end up like my father. He worked himself to the grave; literally. He spent so much time trying to finish a project without getting much needed rest, social interaction, proper diet (too much soda and processed food) or at least some quality time for himself or his family.
I was raised to always love the work I do and to take pride in it even if it's not something I'm good at. Even if I lack the ability to solve a problem instantaneously, I can still solve problems with little to none of any repercussions.
The benefits of staying positive have worked wonders for people who keep at it. They're more energetic. They stay younger. They are able to keep fit. Most of all, they become well-rounded and reasonable people to hang out and be with.
Applying all of these positive affirmations, such as, "I can do this," or "God give me strength and the will to pass the day without quitting," have its limitations too. This is why God rested. It's not that He gave up. He just wanted to sit, relax, and enjoy His marvelous work of art. The reason for us to fervently desire perfection is because we just want to be like Him: omniscient, immortal, powerful, and gracious.
The most powerful advice Jesus gave to his disciples is, "If you want to be great in God's Kingdom, you have to learn to be the servant of all." (Matthew 20:26) With that being said, I have to be grateful to those who taught me how to stay positive and improve my well-being and lifestyle.
I like how Nadia Goodman stated in her article about challenging the negative thoughts. I've been left idle for far too long in the day that allows me to dwell on the negative thoughts. I need to keep myself engaged in something productive. That's what I'm going to do.
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