Yesterday was the day everything went wrong. Not even a triple Oreo double filled cookie with vanilla and chocolate could satisfy the downward spiral of my paranoid depression. I was left to my own devices of self destruction.
Granted I have a ring to remind me of my oath to God and myself that no matter how dire the situation, I would still hold on to the important people in my life.
What happens if that one person in your life has taken all frustrating measures on you even when you had no other way to contact them? The signal of your phone is dead. The computer you remote in was just rebooted. The computer you were trying to fix blew up on your face because you were to anxious to get a hold of your significant other. You feel left in a bind because you know if you messed up again, your chances of having a foot in the door at a job you like will likely be non-existent. Just before you could get a glimpse of hope when a signal bar shows up on your phone, quickly sent a text message of how sorry you were, you get the daylights snagged out right under you when your significant other gives you a lecture about your inconsideration.
Just when you thought your day could get any better the morning after, your phone finally gets a full signal, notifies you that you have several voice messages on your phone, you hear his voice - a certain undertone of disappointment and dismay.
I could have taken my life if I wanted to. Then everything I had done before then would be meaningless. It would have just meant I had finally given up. That would not be a positive message for my little one. There are many reasons why people shop impulsively or just do spontaneous things. What else could they possibly lose other than wait for another pay check to arrive and do it all over again. As for me, I will clean the whole house all day if time allowed it and I will find objects to cut if there are things to shear. The only victim - my hair. If I do have the money to spend, I would definitely go out on a shopping spree. So, I'm out of luck on that one.
As for now, trying to make sense in everything that had happened, maybe it would have been better if I had just stayed home.
