There comes a point in time in your life where you feel as if the world has become too overwhelming to deal with.
It is easier said than done when others tell you to ignore the world and focus on God's promises. 9 times out of 10, you find yourself ruminating on the failures you made rather than the devil asking you to bend sideways to kill yourself.
I'm really happy to discover that the mirtazapine is working for me. In addition to taking an anti-depressant sleep aid along with my therapy group session, I feel so much better.
I cannot express in words how much all the good things I need to be thankful for. Despite my harsh upbringing, I learned humility, patience, gratefulness, kindness, compassion, understanding and empathy. I am not saying I was a wise kid. No, I was foolish, impatient, complacent and indifferent. Those years were quite an experience especially for a clueless teenager.
I have come to know and learn from a lot of people from all different cultures and upbringing. We are all on this planet together. Some of our struggles seem tougher than most, but the common ground is the essence of being self-centered. I am not implying that we are selfish beings. We are actually disconnected. We are disconnected from what makes us happy.
I know there are seminars out there about self-help tools and resources to gain us happiness. The truth is, do you know what makes you happy? I had to re-evaluate myself when I was asked that question during my therapy session.
I realized that it's being connected with others is what makes me the happiest. I've been wrapped up with things around me, that I had forgotten the people who already accept me for who I am. This blog alone has reminded me of my relationship with God.
God loves me. I know this. I have been so worried about my past and future for quite some time now. Even though I spend time going out with my family, I have questioned myself: "How much effort did I make to connect with them?" I cried. The depression was at bay, but that sense of not fulfilling that role made me feel bad. Instead of reflecting of how to solve my problem, I was ruminating.
It truly is a challenge to catch my thoughts in order to change my behavior. It doesn't really matter now. God is making things better. I am learning. I will never cease to learn and grow. The moment I decide to stop learning, I fall short again. That's not where I need to be.
All I can say is, "Just hang it there, buddy. Things are going to get better. Don't lose hope and don't give up." In all things, God makes it possible.
