Venerating the good things of our parentage

 Leviticus 4:1 And the Lord spake unto Moses, saying,
2 Speak unto the children of Israel, saying, If a soul shall sin through ignorance against any of the commandments of the Lord concerning things which ought not to be done, and shall do against any of them:

Leviticus 11: 45 For I am the Lord that bringeth you up out of the land of Egypt, to be your God: ye shall therefore be holy, for I am holy.

Leviticus 12:2 Speak unto the children of Israel, saying, If a woman have conceived seed, and born a man child: then she shall be unclean seven days; according to the days of the separation for her infirmity shall she be unclean.

6 And when the days of her purifying are fulfilled, for a son, or for a daughter, she shall bring a lamb of the first year for a burnt offering, and a young pigeon, or a turtledove, for a sin offering, unto the door of the tabernacle of the congregation, unto the priest:

7 Who shall offer it before the Lord, and make an atonement for her; and she shall be cleansed from the issue of her blood. This is the law for her that hath born a male or a female.

8 And if she be not able to bring a lamb, then she shall bring two turtles, or two young pigeons; the one for the burnt offering, and the other for a sin offering: and the priest shall make an atonement for her, and she shall be clean.

Leviticus 15:25 And if a woman have an issue of her blood many days out of the time of her separation, or if it run beyond the time of her separation; all the days of the issue of her uncleanness shall be as the days of her separation: she shall be unclean.
26 Every bed whereon she lieth all the days of her issue shall be unto her as the bed of her separation: and whatsoever she sitteth upon shall be unclean, as the uncleanness of her separation.
27 And whosoever toucheth those things shall be unclean, and shall wash his clothes, and bathe himself in water, and be unclean until the even.
28 But if she be cleansed of her issue, then she shall number to herself seven days, and after that she shall be clean.
29 And on the eighth day she shall take unto her two turtles, or two young pigeons, and bring them unto the priest, to the door of the tabernacle of the congregation.
30 And the priest shall offer the one for a sin offering, and the other for a burnt offering; and the priest shall make an atonement for her before the Lord for the issue of her uncleanness.
31 Thus shall ye separate the children of Israel from their uncleanness; that they die not in their uncleanness, when they defile my tabernacle that is among them.
32 This is the law of him that hath an issue, and of him whose seed goeth from him, and is defiled therewith;
33 And of her that is sick of her flowers, and of him that hath an issue, of the man, and of the woman, and of him that lieth with her that is unclean.

Leviticus 18:4 Ye shall do my judgments, and keep mine ordinances, to walk therein: I am the Lord your God.
5 Ye shall therefore keep my statutes, and my judgments: which if a man do, he shall live in them: I am the Lord.
6 None of you shall approach to any that is near of kin to him, to uncover their nakedness: I am the Lord.

24 Defile not ye yourselves in any of these things: for in all these the nations are defiled which I cast out before you:
25 And the land is defiled: therefore I do visit the iniquity thereof upon it, and the land itself vomiteth out her inhabitants.
26 Ye shall therefore keep my statutes and my judgments, and shall not commit any of these abominations; neither any of your own nation, nor any stranger that sojourneth among you:
27 (For all these abominations have the men of the land done, which were before you, and the land is defiled;)
28 That the land spue not you out also, when ye defile it, as it spued out the nations that were before you.
29 For whosoever shall commit any of these abominations, even the souls that commit them shall be cut off from among their people.
30 Therefore shall ye keep mine ordinance, that ye commit not any one of these abominable customs, which were committed before you, and that ye defile not yourselves therein: I am the Lord your God.

Exodus 20:12 Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.

I miss the mother who cared wholeheartedly for our well-being

I have shared these verses so you may know my story. Imagine the tension I had to endure with these verses? Would you have the emotional capacity to come to terms with the abominations your parents allowed you to endure?

The Chaplain who was helping me resolve my past trauma commended me for my strength and resilience. He confessed that if he had been in my shoes, he would have had a successful suicide. This was a Chaplain! A teacher of God’s word and messenger of the Gospel. His understanding of my attempted suicide was not only a relief but his empathy of my situation was comforting. 

The pastor of the church I grew up in was not empathetic. He agreed with my parents that I was promiscuous because I allowed a boy to molest me in my bedroom. I never invited that boy into my bedroom. My parents' house only had 2 bedrooms. They gave up their bedroom to their guests while they told their son to sleep in our bedroom. I contested their decision. Since I was considered disrespectful because of Exodus 20:12,  they allowed this boy to stay the night in our bedroom.

The boy was 2 years older than I was. He wanted to harm my sisters. I told him to do what he pleased with me as long as he left my sisters alone. 

The boy on the far right with the yellow shirt

The next 6 years of my life throughout high school, became a living nightmare. It didn't matter what I said or did to satisfy my parents' expectations. I will always be considered a demonic child.

A red wedding because I was already deflowered

On my 32nd birthday, my mother left me a message which no child should ever hear from a parent's mouth. 

How do you know I am still honoring my mother?

I have never slandered her with vulgar words. I still call her, "Mom."

Even after writing so many letters to show how much I love her, she continues to remind me how much of a burden I still am to her

I always address my concern with the statement, "With all due respect - I know you mean well, but..."

I have never laid my hands on her. Even though I did so on my father (because he was on the verge of throwing a laptop towards my mother's face. I took the blow to my face with grace. He was taken aback by my martial art skill), I will always stomp my foot down for my mother. My anger will always be held back for her because I am aware of my strength. I only warned her once: "If you ever lay your hands on me again, someone is going to get hurt really badly. It's not going to be me."

I have shared my experiences with trusted friends not because I wanted attention. It is because I needed the help on dealing with the predicament I have with my mother. 

I have accepted the fact that I am like my father. My father endured more than I have suffered under my mother's hands. For this, my father and I agreed on 1 thing. My mother needs more love from someone else who deserves her. I hope and pray that she finds the love she is meant to have. My father realized what I had been through. He regretted that his slothfulness caused me more harm than good. I forgave him. Before we could get to reconnect and reconcile our relationship, he passed away. 

I recall my mother stating that she will no longer have to suffer anymore once my father left this world. As much as I would love to say that this was the case, our relationship never got better. 

If she wants to tell the whole world that I never kept my promises, I'm just going to let her do so. My actions speak louder than her words. Whether she realizes it or not, I am the exact replica of her. I chose to be a better person. For the sake of my sanity, for the child I bore, whom she wanted to have aborted, and for the husband who accepts me for who I am.

I have given her the space she needs to find these things. I know she has expressed it many times that I will never satisfy that need.

I wish her the best. I love her forever still. 

I hope you have a meaningful mother's day, Mom.