The Power of Forgiveness

 Would you believe me if I told you my story?

If you came here to read my story, I thank you with all my heart. It's been long overdue for me to share my story. I've been discouraged to share it because it may offend a lot of people. I say this, "Let them be offended. This story is for the people, who are in need of hope and encouragement."

I was born to the arms of a beautiful woman and a quiet man. Thus, I was earthly named, "Beautiful Peace," in my ancestor's native language. I remember my mother's joy when I came to the world. On the 3rd day, she dedicated me to her god. I will spare you the hardships I experienced and witness under my parents' care and upbringing. All you need to know is, the household I grew up in, was full of violence and abuse.

I grew up conflicted and dissident by the way I was treated. I summed up the courage to challenge the god, my mother calls, "the big bully in the sky." The answer came unexpectedly. I was beyond humbled. I felt unworthy because I wasn't Jewish. Yet, the God of the Universe heard me. He sent a lowly Catholic boy, who understood God's love more than I was nurtured to follow. I vowed to dedicate my life to God and asked permission to have the Messiah teach me and lead me personally.

As a very young "Christian," I had hoped my parents would be so proud of me for accepting such a Spiritual calling. To my disappointment and shame they were not. After 35 years wandering in the desert of my humanity, Hashem led me to his people. El Shaddai Elohim be praised; they accepted me into their community to learn the Torah with them. I have begun to understand what the Messiah has been teaching me all along.

Forgiveness is a challenging process. It is not up to us to judge the person who afflicted us, because we are no better than they are if we seek vengeance. Yeshua taught his disciples that we forgive others without limit. 

For as long as I can remember, I have forgiven my parents. After 24 years of aloofness from my father, he called me and asked me to forgive him. The joy of my soul was satisfied but was crushed a year later when he passed away. I had to forgive myself for hoping and yearning that the reconciliation with my father would be fulfilled. 

In regards to my mother, I set boundaries after boundaries only to be mistreated every single time I forgave her. I finally offered this burden to Hashem for it is beyond what I can bare. I have grown weary of the disparagement and impiety. 

I am forever grateful to my daughter's father. He has been a courteous co-parent since our marital divorce. After 18 years, when I connected with him; I learned he forgave me for leaving him. Even though our marital status can never reconciled, he always respected me as a friend. How fitting of him to say that since it is the name I am called by Hashem. 

As Faby and Carlo puts it: "Forgiveness is an act of kindness you do for your own benefit, not others'. It is for your peace of mind and no one else's." To some extent that is what the human understanding of forgiveness is. As Dr Piero Ferrucci states in his book, "My thesis is that true kindness is a strong, genuine, warm way of being. It is the result of the interplay among several qualities, such as warmth, trust, patience, loyalty, gratitude, forgiveness, and many others. Without even one of these qualities, kindness is less convincing and less true."

Yeshua takes the process of forgiveness further. Take for example the stories of Joseph and Job. The parables of The Unforgiving Servant and the Prodigal Son interrelates to their stories. I am aware I am only human, but that doesn't make me unworthy of being redeemed. 

The point I'm trying to make is that it doesn't matter what season you are in your life. God will come to you in your time of need. When you are called, are you going to answer or are you going to run away like I have (for 35 years)?

What is the question?

  To be or not to be a woman. 

I do not have a better way to circumvent the issue between "Pro-life" and "Pro-choice." Honestly, it depends on the situation every woman find themselves in.

One story of a woman who was "Pro-life" changed her perception of reality between keeping her child's overgrown mutation and her own well-being. After taking a thorough consideration due to science and medical technology, her husband agreed to let go of their unborn child to be stillborn. It was evident that the tumor embedded in their child's face, was detrimental to both their health and well-being. She understood what it meant to be "Pro-choice," in the matter of her life experience, as a grieving first-time mother.

I have always considered myself a feminist. In light of the label of itself, I stand solely based on what I know is right and just. If you tell me that all men are evil, I would have to access your opinion based on my ethics and moral compass. 

As a parent, it is my duty to ensure my child doesn't grow up to be detrimental to the community. Despite my upbringing under a Domestic Violent environment, I learned healing is a process - not an antidote to violent circumstances.

As a woman, I need the support and encouragement to assure that the resources available to me are enough to care for another human being. 

I was 23 when I became a mother. The joy of a miracle in my life has shaped my views to what it is today. I recall the moment when I announced to my parents of this wonderful news. It was devastating to them than it was for me. I was aware that I was young and inexperienced. The reason behind their admonition was appalling than it was admirable. They were hellbent in having me abort the child since I was not married at the time. I hesitated because I was taught to honor and preserve life at all costs. 

I chose to keep my child. I believed my child's life was worth the adventure. I have been through the Special Supplemental Nutrition Program for Women, Infants and Children. It's not an easy process to go through. The scrutiny I had to endure was not only stressful but disheartening. I had to ensure that I did not lose my eligibility for my child's developing stage of their life.

I promised myself that I would continue to support my child once I had a better financial and prestigious opportunity. I am grateful to the agencies, who helped me continue supporting my child. The choices I had to make were challenging. Through it all, I managed to get by with what I had. I wouldn't imagine the world without a community, which would refuse to provide help to young women in their affliction.

Society has afflicted women throughout the centuries of abuse. It's about time women rise to speak out. I welcome advocates who choose to speak alongside women. Whether they be our brothers, our sons, our LGBTQ friends or the few good fathers we have left in this world.

It is immoral to be apathetic to the injustices women have to endure every second of the day. It is not my job to always be on a lookout for my safety and well-being. It shouldn't be a normal thing we teach our sons to be men of power and strength. They need to know compassion and empathy as well. Neither is it normal to teach our daughters to be vicious and callous towards men.

Are you for humanity? or are you for yourself - fuck everyone else? How do you want to see a better world for the future generations?