I want to live in a world where children can feel safe in their own home; live a full and healthy life; dreaming big and making a difference in the world. A place where a woman can walk alone in a busy street without harassment. A sanctuary where the elderly can commute to and connect with friends and family in restaurants and parks. A world where men do not have to feel pressured into marriage to be successful in life.
In all these things I would have wanted in this utopia I have idealized as a child, everyone and everything is connected. There is so much grief in my heart I cannot put in words plainly. People close to me think and believe that I care too much to worry about such things that do not concern me. This world in turmoil does concern me. The future of my daughter is at stake.
If anyone in this world who has a heart and an ear, please listen to my plea. I beg of you to start searching within your soul. See the pain through the eyes of your children. The lives they are living at home, at school, at play; especially how they interact with others.
I've done the best I could to allow myself to be vulnerable for one moment. The world has my daughter's attention. She is blind to my guidance and deaf to my warnings. As much as I would like her to experience the world, I am afraid for her. I'm afraid for her to go out there and feel disappointed.
If we allow tolerance for violence, we leave no room for peace. Media coverage of human rights violations are no longer in channels because some people believe these types of stories will traumatize our children. If we do not fight for justice, what's left of their future?
Unsung heroes are forgotten because some people believe our future generations do not care for history. If we do not allow our children to learn from our past, how would we live in the future?
If the world is catered to men like Donald Trump, our ancestors' fight for equality was for naught. If we allow people in Hillary Clinton's campaign to the things they did to ordinary citizens, what human rights do we have left? We have given away so much - slaving away to grasp the American dream. What have we gained from this kind of sacrifice?
As a naturalized citizen, it is with deepest regret that I came to America with a hope for a future that will never be realized. As an Asian American woman, I still get called out on the streets, "Hey beautiful, where are you from?," "Are you Chinese or Japanese?," "Are you North or South Korean?," "Is it true you eat dogs?" or sometimes, "Why don't you go back to where you came from? You stupid, Chink!"
I would entertain that insult, but I'd rather not. I will never be accepted for who or what I am where ever I go because I'm neither 100% Chinese or Filipino. I am a Chinoy-Malayan-Castillian. If I can't feel safe anywhere, how will my own child? My child has the world in her blood. It's an ugly truth when African-Americans (some African-Americans have European parents) can't be accepted as Black American people.
If you could love yourself, would you be able to extend it to others? If not, why? What made you so selfish, crude and cynical?
In all honesty, I love myself too much to bring so much pain to others around me. I am only one person. I have burdened myself with other people's troubles. My family is right. I should not care what the world is doing. If I do this, I might as well lock myself up in my room and never leave. What good will I do to the world then? How will my future come to pass?
In precedence of my child's future, I have taken self-help classes to help me take my mind off the world. I've seen too much already. My own homeland is no longer safe for me to return. There had been too many killings of children at a war-torn country in the Middle East; but to hear news from a fellow kababayan (people of the same country I am), that our new president has ordered extrajudicial killing including street children, I lost it. Emotionally.
How should I raise my voice? I've tried begging. I've tried teaching. I've even sorted to violence. To what cost? My own sanity? This will not do. I am no good to my child like this - in this state. If there is still justice and good out there. Please help me. Stop this madness.
The ideals we have as a society are far too extreme to accomplish. Let us start simple. Let it start at home. Teach our children to love and respect each other. Stop putting labels about our health, relationships and our livelihood. Stop the violence. Enough segregation of all people. We are all one and the same - flesh and blood. I implore you. Find peace within yourself. Let our children and their children have their future.
