The sexy side of me

I have always been petite. There is no doubt about that. Ever since puberty, I was always told I was too skinny. Now in my mid-30's looking like this still gets me negative criticism.

I've come to accept the fact that I'm not going to get any bigger (in width) than this. I'm a comfortable size 8. That's how my stature will always be.

I love looking at models and following the latest fashion trends. However, in all honesty, I've come to find my niche in steampunk and fantasy cosplay. The very fashion trend my mother loathes me to be in. Interestingly enough, when I do dress down (e.g. sweatpants and hoodie), I still get young men (disturbingly creepy - Dudes, I can pass as your mother!) toss me a whistle or two.

In all seriousness, I believe I'm sexy. I love compliments from my husband. He's an awesome photographer and storyteller. It takes a lot of courage and spunk to openly admit that I'm one of the luckiest and sexiest married geeks out there. I'm not asking for fame or fortune. I'm still a budding freelance artist. It's been a wonderful journey meeting newfound friends in mainstream comics, creative arts, and book publishing.

I wasn't much into makeup until recently. I had a bad experience during a school play when a teacher made me use her makeup on my face. Whatever makeup she was using, it had fired up my acne in a very bad way. Especially when my mother was selling Mary Kay and Estee Lauder, my skin continued to break out. After a good visit from a dermatologist, I was told to stay away from chemical made cosmetics especially the ones made from whale blubber. I found out that The Body Shop (c) line was gentle on my skin during my teen years. When Revlon came up with their own chemical free line, I tried it out and was happy with the results. I'm a very loyal brand customer. Revlon was all I ever used. When I started working at a cosmetic department, I was asked if I have tried other brands other than Revlon. I was reluctant at first. I was given a few samples to try.

I have included photos to show the evolution of my makeup attempts until now. The series of photos started from 2009 right after the custody of my child. My husband, who was my fiancé at that time urged me to try putting on some makeup since he's never seen me wearing one on. I told him that I didn't have much but 2 blushes and 2 sets of eye shadows (blue and green - military colors to match the Air Force blues and the standard BDU). He encouraged me to use what I have and build my makeup kit in due time.

Here's my first attempt with makeup:

As you can tell, I'm very pink on the cheeks and forehead. I didn't know that foundation was very much needed until this photo was taken. I had saved enough money to get me one. I had bought the Revlon ColorStay Mineral Foundation.

Second attempt:

I still look pink. Maybe it was the camera settings on my phone. My child thought I was the prettiest mom ever. *Gosh* I have the sweetest little bumpkin. They can make me smile all day.

Third attempt:

Yeah, I did gain some weight here from this photo shoot. I apparently missed a spot on my forehead. Someone mentioned foundation liquid could be a better coverage than powder. I was reluctant considering I have very oily skin.

Fourth attempt:

Okay, too much powder! I finally considered saving up for liquid foundation.

Fifth attempt:

I may have to save up for a different color blush, eye shadows and lipstick too.

Sixth attempt:

I look more even toned now that I have used the liquid foundation. I bought myself the Revlon ColorStay liquid foundation for Combo to Oily Skin. Next step, mascara. I've had some of my co-workers suggest their product line. I gave Lancome a try. I'm liking their Dreamtone and La Base so far.

Seventh attempt:

The Lancome Oscillation mascara makes me look like an anime character. I think I'm getting the hang of this makeup hype after all.

For those of you wondering what I've been using for clear skin: I'm using L'Oreal Go 360 Clean since the Aveeno Clear Complexion doesn't remove all the excess oil my skin produces. Clinique Clarifying Lotion and Dramatically Different Moisturizing Gel.

For those of you wondering why I have no wrinkles when I smile: I use Aveeno Positively Ageless Warming Facial Scrub and Lancome Renergie Multi-action night cream with eye cream before I go to bed.

The reason for writing this blog is not to sound cocky. This is not my intent. This is for all my female friends and readers alike to show them that media does not affect my sense of self-esteem because I surround myself with positive people who love me just as I am.

After struggling with health issues and personal tribulations, I feel that it is important to show others with similar undertakings that there is hope and happiness in the end. This is what I look like now after my post surgery diet:

Eighth attempt:

I was introduced to Il Makiage and Ilia Beauty. The results were surreal. You can't even tell I'm wearing foundation makeup. Can you tell which side is Il Makiage or Ilia Beauty?

Either way, however you look at the photos I've posted, I feel beautiful inside and out. Makeup or not, I'm still me. Life is a learning process to a better adventurous journey. I found my path. I'm going to stick to it. Live life as you see fit, as long as you don't hurt others in the process. Carry on, friends. Be bold, daring and beautiful.

Published on 2/24/14

Edited on 08/30/22