Despite my sense of solitariness, I know I'm never alone because God is with me. However, I'm human - not celestial or ethereal. It's not good for me to be alone in my spiritual journey. I've tried to look for other Christians who have found the same truth I have. There aren't many out there. If they are, I understand the need for preservation.
As a believer, I am not one to condemn others who do not see the epitaphs of Jesus' divinity and humanity as I do. Why would I do such a thing, when Jesus did not condemn anyone but the evil spirits (se’irim) that dwelled in a troubled man? He even commanded the adversary (diábolos in Greek; ha-satan in Hebrew) to leave him. If Jesus has this kind of power, why choose to be human? God loves the world. As Jesus testified before his disciples, "many have chosen the easy path, but the path to God is narrow." Jesus assured them that the ones whom he called to Him will not be lost because He will raise them up on the last day to see His Father.
I shall start from the beginning. God created the first partner for Adam. Unfortunately for Adam, Lilith left him because she couldn't feel equal with him. A woman was later created from Adam's side. Adam, however, failed to give "The Woman" a name until she bore him children. Even though Eve was created to be Adam's partner, he treated her the same way as he did with Lilith.
The woman was the first to break the Covenant, but the first to be forgiven. This was the moment she was given the name, "Eve." Adam blamed God for creating Eve, who offered the fruit from the Tree of Knowledge to him. God cursed the Earth 😱, in which Adam has to work for food until he returned back to dust 😬.
Eve was forewarned of the consequences she would have to endure because of what she did. What I'm about to tell you, is not outside the realm of possibility. If you read and understand closer, every commandment in the Torah, is made for man. It was man's responsibility to teach their children the Torah. This did not happen until Moses came into the picture. Adam wasn't the first one to eat from the fruit of Knowledge. Eve gave some of the leftovers she ate from the fruit of Knowledge to Adam. Eve didn't have to be told what to do, since she ate most of the fruit of Knowledge. Whether she kept that knowledge to herself, only God knows.
The fruit of Knowledge killed that spirit in Adam and Eve. They've chosen to become mortal beings of Earth. They were banished from The Garden so that they would not become tempted to eat the fruit of Life. The only human who was prevented from seeing death was Cain. You may call me out of my mind. I believe in God's magnificent power. There's nothing in this world that can stop me from learning more about God and why he chose to save me. After studying the Torah with God's people, I find myself drawing closer to Jesus' divinity and humanity being a wholesome miracle.
My point is, I have a brain. There are some things I don't understand because I don't have the previous knowledge or all the context of the subject matter - whatever that may be. Men have destroyed such knowledge for centuries. Yet, they chose to keep the Torah. It seems fitting as it makes them feel powerful over all living things. After all, that was what God instructed mankind to be: rulers of all living things. God may have created women to endure pain and suffering, but men feel they suffered the most because of what Eve did. Not many men can say likewise to what Jesus experienced on the cross. Only Jesus bore that pain alone.
In all things, the men taught by women on how to endure suffering, are far better empaths than those, who have been taught for centuries, that they are powerful beings (thanks, Bathsheba) when they keep their strength (not giving into masturbation or sexual lusts or become inebriated with alcohol) and wits. Remember who was chosen to be Abraham's descendants: Jacob's children. Jacob who was renowned in Jewish Tradition as The Liar, The Cheat, The Housekeeper, The Hypocrite and The one who prevailed the Divine Angel. Judah (Yehuda), Jacob's fourth son was the tribe in which the word "Jew" derived from. His descendant was King David. The messiah was prophesied to be one of David's descendant. The reasons why Jews couldn't accept Jesus (Yeshua) as the messiah because Joseph's patronage was made legalized by Yibbum. Joseph divorced Mary in silence since he loved her, but did not want to bring shame to either family.
When Rome converted to 1st century Judaism, it was a groundbreaking fascism for the empire to impose on their colonized countries. Their way of conversation was highly criticized by Paul of Tarsus (1 Corinthians 13). It was a dangerous time to be a Christian in Rome before 313 AD.
Throughout the century, many sects of Christianity have bastardized the message of the Gospels by focusing more on traditional rituals than what God intended. Christians failed to realize that Jesus taught his disciples to put God first in their daily lives - from the time they wake until the time they go to sleep. They were encouraged to congregate and teach each other the Word of God. Jesus was identified as the Word of God. He is the way, the truth and the life. The only requirement is that in order to be saved from Eternal Damnation is to confess to God that Jesus is Lord. Once an individual accepts this testament, they are anointed with oil in the name of the Father, the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Many have adapted the baptism of John to complete the ceremony of becoming Jesus' disciple.
Yet the Christians of today are so focused on building churches and judging everyone as a sinner, they've forgotten what it's like to be human. Many Christians like me have lost their lives because we cannot belong to the church. According to their Christian practices, we are considered an abomination because our lives do not portray spiritual purity in God's eyes. They have become the Pharisees Jesus warned his disciples not to be. I have gone through a lot of violent admonishments executed by my own parents and their religious sect. If you have watched the movie, "Silent Hill," you'd understand what every child had to endure under the hands of adults who declare themselves purified and sacred for God. This concept of misbehavior or disobedience is considered possessed by demons and malevolent in nature instead of being considered as a lack of knowledge and edification. It is written, "Fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath; instead bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." (Ephesians 6:4)
Only truth is revealed to those who have ears that listen. I'm not saying the Bible is wrong. I'm saying that the false teachers are rampant. The people who listen to these false teachers are spiritually blind and emotionally delusional. Before God spoke to Abram, the people were sacrificing children and women. Research every ancient culture. Human and Blood sacrifices started from Nimrod before the disperse of the human race after the Tower of Babel. God reminded Moses to teach the people at Mount Sinai the wickedness of strangers who worship Molech/Baal. I worship the God of Israel. My sins and debt have been paid in full by Jesus' sacrifice on the cross. To judge and compare me to pagan worshippers makes these "puritans" no better than the pagans themselves. God does not judge in false pretenses.
We are all God's children. We have a choice. Life or death. Blessings or cursings. Choose wisely.
I'm alone because of what the truth revealed to me. Sadly, this truth I am revealing could never be accepted as The Truth in which Jesus spoke of. What has been written, cannot be unwritten. Nevertheless, I know in my heart it is equitable.
I've been called demon possessed and assumed to be the devil. The words in which I speak of are not from God. Here's the thing I would like to know and understand: how that is even possible? This delusional concept is beyond me. Why would demons possess the devil? 🤷🏽♀️ Demons are impure spirits whereas devils are wicked angels. Both can possess human bodies and corrupt human souls but can never break the human spirit. The human spirit belongs to God and is created with God's breath. These agents of malevolence do not achieve benevolence over God because they cannot destroy the One who created them.
This is one of the reasons why I rarely utter the demon's name or refer my sufferings as the devil's fault. Why should I give them power over my life? If you read Job's story enough, you will learn that the choices we make in life are the consequences we face in acting upon those decisions. We must learn to forgive ourselves and ask God for forgiveness. We were told 365 times in the Bible, "Do not be afraid." Why are we inciting fear against each other?
I'm aware of my sinful wrath. The world is cruel and evil. I don't need to elaborate. I'm not a psychopath. I'm angry all the time because of humans destroying life. I know I am only human. In addition to this notion, I have also evolved immensely. That doesn't mean I am incapable of learning self-control or unable to demonstrate empathy and forgiveness. It is written that God is an angry and jealous God, but that God is also full of Love and Mercy. I would like to exemplify love and mercy just as Jesus had done so for the world. Of all the sinners and wickedness out there, He chose to save me. I'm pretty sure there are others out there He has also saved. They are welcome to share their story.
You simply cannot tell a person to stop breathing. That is outright cruel and evil. Just as much as you learn to grow, your core spirit cannot change. The essence of your soul and who you are is dynamic. Your personality embellishes character traits of good and bad habits. When you are baptized in the Holy Spirit, you portray Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faith, Gentleness and Self-Control. All the bad habits will eventually be eradicated.
I cannot begin to tell you what an atheist believes in. None of the ones I met ever admitted to believing in anything - especially not in themselves. They're like leaves rustling with the wind. As the seasons in their lives changes, their life passes by as nature intended. So goes on the Circle of Life as they call it. As a pyromancer, I understand that fire is dangerous. With the knowledge of what fire does, I understand what it takes to control it. Forbidding fire is like telling the lightning not to strike a tree. Thank a firefighter for their knowledge and skills to put out fires. I believe everyone should learn and know how to fight fires in their lifetime. Sadly, not many choose to learn. Let's face it, fire can kill you - it's a very slow, painful and agonizing death.
The same principle applies to sharing the Gospel. What is your purpose of wanting others to know about the Gospel? How is this different from mine? I'm sharing it to you Christians. I'm practically asking you to examine yourselves. What makes you think that you're a better Christian than me? Why is it important to you that I die like the heathens who reject your God of the Bible?
Rather than go on a diatribe like Lewis Black, I actually work towards becoming a better human being. A slow, yet painful process, but worthwhile in every moment. Mistakes happen along the way, but I live and learn. My story is a testament of Jesus' miraculous work in me. I am definitely not the person I was. I am no longer violent towards others. Surely, your pious ignorance anger me, but I feel so much sorrow for you. Not because I pity you, but because I love you and I care about you.
My pain and suffering may be different from yours; but that doesn't mean I'm a stranger to all kinds of tribulations. I am married to an atheist because in retrospect, I realized it was what I had asked for. I was 14 when I realized I wanted to become a mother. Honestly, I didn't want to end up like my own. When I accepted Jesus as my personal Lord and Savior, I was 16 and clueless. That didn't stop me from studying the Bible everyday of my life. Admittedly, I did not have anyone competent enough to educate me in the Gospels or the Torah. I learned that the only people who could possibly teach me are also the ones who have either gone through similar tribulations I've experienced or have gone through the deep end of no return, or obviously should be Jewish to teach me in the ways of God. As a young born-again Christian, I asked God to give me a sign of whom I was destined to be with. In the dream, I was surrounded in a room full of books. There stood an empty podium. The name revealed to me was James. I quipped, "I thought you said his name would be Andrew?" The answer I was given: "You will know by the dreams I have given you before. You will understand of whom I speak of." I began to recall the other dreams. Once when I was 10 and the other when I was 13. I was told that the man I was to marry, would meet me on his 40th birthday. He would reveal his true name to me, since he had been given 3 names. One of which he chose for himself. He was to be of German descent of God's chosen people.
There he was - awkwardly smiling across from my cubicle at work: Andreas, formally known as Christopher. We met 2 months before his 40th birthday. A man, who owns a room filled with many books and is a lone wolf minister who shepherds no flock. Even though his DNA traces him to Ashkenazi Jews, his ancestors were Switzerland Mennonites. I panicked that he would find me too religious to handle. Since he was 11 years older than I was, he did not find my faith offensive or demeaning towards his well-being. My spiritual journey at the time I met him was in between a place of self-preservation and spiritual isolation. Without his wisdom, I wouldn't be on this amazing spiritual journey with God.
I'm not here to persuade anybody to convert to Christianity. I'm here to tell my story of redemption, my miraculous spiritual journey and amazing adventure being free from hatred and social judgement. I grew up in a domestic violent home. Both my parents were cruel towards me. Later in my father's life, he regretted in what he did. My restitution with him as my father was cut short when he passed away in 2010. I was left under the constant harrowing judgement of my mother. If it were not for Andreas, the respite of these spiritual torment would have continued, and I would not have left the wilderness of deep pain and suffering. I have opened up to Chris as well regarding this matter. He is grateful to hear that I have moved on with my life. As much as my divorce from Chris pains me, I am relieved that we both agree that it was the best decision for our child's sake.
As much as my mother loves to remind me of my sins, she has forgotten that God has already cleansed me from it. She has no right to continue in torturing me in this manner. I hope she has moved on with her life too. She never wanted me anyway. Why would she continue to care about what I'm doing with my life?
There is no greater gift than what God hasn't given me already. Jesus loves me. I am His for all eternity. No one can take that away from me.
