I was reading old letters from all the correspondences I had with my mother. Our exchange of grievances between us has always been about my attitude. I have my reasons for being a skeptical anarchist.
The nuance of my expression has not changed. I am still the daughter yearning for respect, love and acceptance since the day I announced my commitment as a born-again Christian under God's presence before Him, Pastor Eddie Medina, my godfather Joe and his wife.
I am a survivor of domestic violence and abuse. This will always be my testimony on how God saved my life. The reason for living with a purpose.
I'm happy to have a mother. Being a mother for almost 15 years, I understand that there is not a single mother on this planet Earth who is far from being perfect. I iterated that in the letters I wrote to her. I wrote in the letters that I realized she did the best she could with the resources she had. I wrote to her letting her know that I understood her frustration. I had acknowledged that I was upset when we emigrated 3 months before my graduation. I was only left with my faith. She was not the reason why I wanted to leave home. Ever since our residency here in the U.S. eighteen years ago, it was evident I was not going to be anyone successful if I continued to stay at home. That letter was written 16 years ago.
I told her countless times I was sorry. I still love her like God loves me. Whether or not she believes me, I know what I have said is true. What was past can never be undone. It is not who I am. I am no longer there. I am an adult. I have responsibilities too. My daughter still needs me to care for her.
I would like to reconcile with my mother. I know I cannot change her. As for me, I just want her to love me. Nothing more. Nothing less.
With my deepest and sincerest apology, I am sorry for all the failures I have created for you, Mom. I just want you to be happy for me.
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