I had just finished watching the movie, "A man called Otto." It was apparently a remake of the 2015 Swedish film, "A Man Called Ove," which was based on the 2012 novel of the same name by Fredrik Backman.
The movie left me heart-broken when Otto passed. Grief rewires the brain by triggering a massive stress response, causing a state of intense memory fog, memory loss, and poor decision-making, especially when the mourner was closely connected to the person who passed.
The last time I was grief-stricken was when my dog, Isis passed away in an accident. I will spare you the story because it still hurts when I talk about it.
Isis wasn't the only pet I lost. I had Brownie and Poochie who also died in unfortunate circumstances. I had other pets too, but these 3 dogs were very special in my heart.
People say that grief fades overtime. Maybe for the people who weren’t closely connected to the one who died. I was never close to my father. When he passed, it just felt like he abandoned me again — only permanently.
I can’t imagine how my sisters must have felt. I try to be mindful of speaking about him. I remember the few moments when he spent time with me. He was never good at cheering me up — especially when my pets, Brownie and Poochie were murdered.
I was angry for a very long time. I wanted justice. “They’re just animals,” they would say. They weren’t just dogs. Brownie, Poochie, and Isis were my birthday gifts and my friends.
I had Brownie for a month, Poochie for 2 years, and Isis for a year. They cheered me up whenever I was beaten up and tired. They listened to me when I tell them why I’m sad or angry. Brownie was murdered because she was chewing on my mother’s shoes. Poochie was put down because the neighbor’s brother hated dogs. In Brunei, dogs are considered pests. They’re usually shot or run over on sight if found loose.
I am aware that I am an emotional person. I get very sentimental when:
- Someone gives me gifts
- Someone compliments me
- Someone notices me
Ever since the death of my pets, I was labeled, “neurotic,” “deranged,” “obstructive,” “disruptive,” “indifferent,” “melodramatic,” and “dangerous.”
It took me 30 years, 9 months, and 26 days to get my emotions in check. It must be nice to not have to experience such a grief so painful.
I find it ironic that people choose to empathize with a parrot who lost its lifetime mate to a medical condition than it is to show kindness to people who lost their partner, or their children, or their beloved pet.
I love that Marisol took the time to make Otto part of the family — no matter how much Otto tried to avoid her.
If someone had done me that same kindness, I wouldn’t have taken 30 years to love and connect with people again.
To all the people I hurt, I’m sorry. I remember what I did. The damage I did that led you to leave made me feel bad. I do hope that you found love and happiness during those trying times to get over what I did. If I could make it up to right my wrongdoings, please let me know.
If we are unable to make amends, then I wish you well and hope that you find peace and prosperity onwards.
There’s no right way to grieve. When all is lost, there’s nothing to replace the hole in one’s heart. That connection is severed. When Lazarus died, Jesus wept. That’s all you can do. Let the mourner weep. Weep with them. Even if the mourner feels offended.
I’ve been to several funerals — including my father’s. The only time that I’ve wept genuinely, was at Airman Brown’s funeral. He was only 25 when he fell to his death from rock climbing. His presence felt heartbroken. When it was time to pay condolences, his sister asked me if I knew him well. I confessed that I didn’t. She asked me wherefore the tears. I forewarned her not to freak out, but I explained that I felt his presence. He felt sorry for not being careful. He was looking forward to his visit with her and the rest of the family for the Christmas holiday. Oh, how she cried, “You spoke to him? Can you speak to him for me?” Oh no, I was not that kind of medium. I clarified that it was how the presence felt. She looked at me as if I had given her peace. She thanked me for coming.
The next time you see someone grieving, watch “En man som heter Ove.”
Kindness goes a long way, especially a smile or a “Hello”.
