Wholesome humanity

I am writing this because I have finished watching the movie, “Mickey 17.”

The humanity of being a wholesome individual is not as complex as society makes it to be.

The Jewish text used to be an oral tradition, she-ba’al peh. The Mishnah formed the Talmud. In Matthew’s account Jesus said that the Halachot must be obeyed (Matthew 23).

Since Mickey 17 was a clone, does his soul get transferred too?

My mother has a burnt scar on her right arm. I have the exact mark on my right arm, but as a birthmark. I had a childhood injury that fractured my tailbone and left hip. My child has a birthmark that represents the same childhood injury. Could my child and I be possibly clones of my mother?

If that were the case, then Mickey 17 was a child of Mickey 16. We have the medical technology now to replicate cells. Can those replicated cells be considered ethical and humane?

The reason why Mickey signed up to be an “Expendable,” because he had nothing to beholden to until Natasha came into his life. He regretted his decision but he made a commitment of fulfilling the contract he signed up for.

If anyone can be as committed as Mickey in spite of the ill-fated circumstances, would anyone bat an eye to commend him?

Where does society draw the line of who gets to live or die?

Multiple cultures, including pre-Columbian Mesoamerican civilizations like the Aztec, Inca, or Maya, and ancient Near Eastern cultures, such as the Phoenician, or Carthaginian, have been documented to have practiced human sacrifice, including that of women and children.

Is it really so bad that the Hebrews decided to live holier lives than the rest of the world? The more I study their history, the more I understand where society (non-Jews) took an ugly turn for the worst.

There were 3 brothers. Shem, Ham, and Japheth. They were surrounded by descendants of Adam's son Seth (“sons of God”), and the "daughters of men" were from the line of Cain, who rebelled against God by murdering his brother, Abel. 

In Noah's day there were essentially no righteous people, from any line. It was discussed in the Jewish commentaries that Ham might have castrated Noah and possibly could have had sexual relations with his mother, which led to curse Canaan, who was set to be an indentured servant for the rest of his life (Genesis 9: 20-27).

The early modern biblical division of the world's "races" into Semites, Hamites, and Japhetites was coined at the Göttingen school of history in the late 18th century, in parallel with the color terminology for race which divided mankind into five "colored" races:

1. "Caucasian or White",
2. "Mongolian or Yellow",
3. "Aethiopian or Black" (Cushite),
4. "American or Red",
5. "Malayan or Brown"

The Torah's narrative centers on the ancient Near East were specifically the Levant, Egypt, and Mesopotamia.

As we understand in Science today, living cells survive by obtaining energy and nutrients, eliminating waste, maintaining homeostasis, and adapting to their environment through their DNA. They also require a constant supply of energy to maintain biological order and carry out metabolic reactions. Sugars are particularly important fuel molecules, and they are oxidized in small steps to carbon dioxide (CO2) and water. 

Anaerobic organism is any organism whose redox metabolism does not depend on free oxygen. The sea floor is possibly one of the largest accumulation of anaerobic organisms on Earth, where microbes are primarily concentrated around hydrothermal vents. These microbes produce energy in absence of sunlight or oxygen through a process called chemosynthesis, whereby inorganic compounds such as hydrogen gas, hydrogen sulfide or ferrous ions are converted into organic matter.

The "cycler" mentioned in the movie was a processing machine filtering organic matter composed of carbon-based compounds including excretion due to various stages of decay. 

Even if it's possible to replicate memories, could Mickey 17 still have a soul? In the Torah, the soul, often translated as "nephesh" or "neshamah," which is considered a divine breath of life that animates and sustains human existence. The concept of the soul is explored through the creation narrative in Genesis, where God breathes the "breath of life" into Adam, making him a living being. Who was breathing through Mickey 17's lungs or was there a reason why it takes him a while to wake up? Is it for the body to gain consciousness to take a breath?

I did not see any mechanical ventilation for the lungs to naturally take in oxygen for it to transfer it to the bloodstream, which then delivers it to the rest of the body. We all know that the lungs are a vital organ that works in coordination with the respiratory system to facilitate this process.

Even if it's possible for Mickey 17 to be alive, self-aware and sentient, could the soul return from where it left the body in the first place?

I think it's wonderful to see where science is moving. Maybe one day I could have a replicated brain that doesn't have all the bad stuff that happened to me. Even if it were possible to get a replacement brain, would I technically be someone else?

From the place of sorrow

I was 3 years old when the Lebanon War began. My mother never shielded me from violence. I grew up learning how to cope with pain, suffering, and melancholy. 

My mother began exploiting me at the age of 5. I still have vivid memories of fearing for my life. I succumbed to submission for the sake of survival and have grown to selflessness in hopes of protecting my siblings. By the time I was 10, I grew up having a keen sense of sexual awareness. Whether or not my parents were secretly hiding their sexual orientation, I was well aware that my gender identity was more feminine than my parents made it out to be. 

I resented the term "tomboy," because I never identified as one. I wasn't rebellious. If Amelia Earhart can travel the world, become an aeronautical engineer, and win awards for trendsetting women's rights, why wouldn't I be able to do the same? Honestly, none of the things my parents were teaching me made any sense. Any inkling of inquiry was seen as punishable for rebelliousness. It was a violently toxic home. Outdoors and books became my primary resources of understanding the world. If I learned anything from Scooby-Doo, it would be that all adults from my mother's generation, and the generation before hers were all incapable of gaining wisdom.

My parents were born in the 50s. Any sign of abomination other than being a heterosexual was to face death. What my parents failed to realize is that the Christian bible they firmly believed in, was originally a Jewish Torah she-ba'al peh (תורה שבעל פה). 

Ve'et-zachar lo tishkav mishkevei ishah to'evah hi.

וְאֶ֨ת־זָכָ֔ר לֹ֥א תִשְׁכַּ֖ב מִשְׁכְּבֵ֣י אִשָּׁ֑ה תּוֹעֵבָ֖ה הִֽוא׃

Do not lie with a male as one lies with a woman; it is an abhorrence. 

 Rabbi David Frankel states, "The designation of the male homosexual act as a "toevah" — an 'abhorrence' or 'abomination'." The term 'homosexual,' was coined by an Austro-Hungarian writer, journalist, translator, and bibliographer, Karl-Maria Kertbeny in 1868. Rabbi Steven Greenberg interprets the biblical prohibition of Leviticus 18:22 as concerned basically with the active partner. The phrase “lyings of a woman” is taken as a reference to sex as an expression of “humiliation and violence.” Following this, Rabbi Greenberg suggests that the verse considers it an abomination for a man to have sex with another man only when it is “for the perverse pleasure of demeaning another man.” The Torah passage also further elaborates the punishment of violating a woman's body (Deuteronomy 22:28-29)

To be honest, no therapy can ever erase a violent and traumatic experience from a child caused by rape — especially when the act was done by their own parent(s), including adults of their parent(s) circle of friends, who have a history of exploiting children for their own personal impulse and self-esteem.  

I was very adverse of being touched. Even now, as I write this blog, the guilt I bore of hurting others for the sake of self-preservation have me wallowing in sorrow. It was difficult for me as a child to articulate why the sensation of touch hurt me. Ruminating those painful memories from when I was 5, 7, and 10 emits pain receptors in my body. The downside of healing like Marvel's X-men, Wolverine, you can't see the scars that was inflicted on me. There were numerous times when my mother hit me that I felt where she had no reason to do so as a parent. 

• She threw her industrial stapler to my chest because I asked a "stupid" question. The question was, "Why would you have me mark your student's paper if I'm not doing it correctly?"
• She hit me with a cast iron pan to my left side because I did not understand what "fold" meant in the cookbook. I found out later in my mid-20s that folding eggs was meant to combine with ingredients gently. Thus, preserving the air and light structure of a mixture.
• She slapped a wooden spoon across my face because I said something she did not like. I had told her that if she hated Chinese men, then she shouldn't have married my father.
• She hit me with a bamboo cane end of a feather-duster on the left side of my leg because I did not follow her instructions properly. I was 10 at the time of this incident. I was very proud that I had cleaned the room all by myself. I showed my mother, but she threw all the dolls and toys from the shelf, undid the beddings, and told me to clean it the way she wanted it. I was so devastated that I stood there for a good 3 minutes. That's when she came in with the feather-duster.
• She hit me with a metal ruler across my skull because I didn't know how to solve a word problem. The word problem was something similar to an American sixth grade homework: 
• The ratio of pears to green apples is 1:3. If there are 150 green apples, how many pears are there?

There was a time when she was cutting my hair while I was being bothered by a fly. My mother accidentally nicked my skin when I was dodging the fly. As I winced, she smacked the left temporal side of my head while the metal shears were still in her hand. By the time I was 14, I conditioned my sisters to never touch me without permission. I never meant to hurt my sisters, but I was guilty of imposing the same violence my mother inflicted on me. I never meant to hurt anyone either. I don't understand why people think it's a challenge when I specially request not to be touched. It still behooves me to this day.

I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) in 2003. My type of PTSD is intrusive and emotionally reactive. In 2012 - 2015, I was recommended to take Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Both my husband (child's step-father) and child were concerned about my temperament. My husband described his experience like he was walking on egg shells. 

I felt lost of what it meant to be human. My friend jokingly said, "I think you need Jesus." I haven't stepped foot in a Christian church since I left the Air Force in 2004. Every single Christian I met were antagonistic towards someone who identifies as someone other than heterosexual. So, I never disclosed my identity to them. 

Even though Christians would label me a heretic, I have altruistic views of becoming the greatest servant of all. I studied the King James bible since I was 7. Even when I had so many questions, both my parents and the Christian church community my parent were associated with were mostly malevolent towards me. I was not allowed to ask questions or express my thoughts. "Spare the rod, spoil the child," originated from Samuel Butler's 17th-century poem, "Hudibras," where it's used in a satirical context to mock the idea that spanking strengthens love. The reason I am pointing this out because my mother told me that Jesus said these things.

When I was seven, my mother led me to believe that Jesus said that she should love the sinner, but hate the sin of which I was acting upon. She never explained what my sin was. I later learned in my adulthood that the phrase "hate the sin, love the sinner" is often attributed to St. Augustine in his writings.

Honestly, never finding these quotes in the Bible was such a relief. It only validates the wisdom of Solomon that a child is known by their action, whether they be true or right (Proverbs 20:11). I was inundated with principles of piety and perfection throughout my adolescent years. The unfortunate precipice of such piety is that every single Christian deny others grace and love.

I was 14 when I attempted suicide. By the grace of God, I renewed my faith and committed my life as Jesus' disciple on April 16, 1995. I chose the path of righteousness and renewed faith because God heard me. I would never imagine anything like this happening to me. The visions in my dream were specific but at the time, I couldn't understand them. The events leading up to where I am currently, only strengthened my faith and relationship with God. However, it brings me great sorrow that I alone bear witness to my spiritual journey. My desire was not to be admired. All I ever wanted was to be accepted for who I am and to be loved for what I am. I am a Naṣrānī (نصراني), which means "follower of Nazareth." It was a term used by Arabians to describe someone who followed Jesus of Nazareth. The followers preferred Masīḥī (مسيحي), which means, "follower of the Messiah."

In Matthew 10:36, Jesus states that "A man's enemies will be the members of his own household," implying that those closest to us can sometimes be the most difficult to reconcile with and cause conflict. 

Plato concluded that if there was no way to back your belief, it was a weak belief. Socrates concluded that you can never truly know anything. Aristotle concluded that while everything is held as a belief, while weak or not, since we cannot know anything we should entertain every thought but without accepting it for that is clearly contradictory.

It wasn’t until the golden age of Islam in 1021 A.D, that we finally have something similar to the modern scientific method. Ibn Al-Haytham, a natural philosopher, put forth a set of criteria to answer his questions concerning his study on the rays of light. The criteria was to test ideas by both experimentation and observation. This would build on the ideas that what rings true, would be sufficient as evidence. Wherefore to reject the ideas that didn’t, the it has to follow-up on the evidence where it lead. His final and most important criteria was to question everything.

My mom would take every chance she could get to hit me with objects especially with her nails. Her aversion to the phrase, "I don't know," will always trigger a violent response against me. I ended that behavior by telling her that if she were to touch me again, I will not be the one on the floor. I stood at 5'1" at 14. I had an advantage on strength, stamina, and dexterity.

She also has this habit of exaggerating my experiences as if she had control of my memories. She doesn't. Despite the numerous times I tell her exactly how I remember my childhood, she will say that my memories were wrong. The more I get antagonized, the deeper and darker my trauma exacerbates itself.

My father was absent for most of my life. When I was 15, his attempts in connecting with me was aggravating. His fatherly wisdom lacked the insight of my well-being when he said, "You should stop arguing with your mother." I retorted harshly and with reason, "You want me to stop arguing with the same woman, whom you beat up because she insulted your ego?" He blankly stared at me and chimed, "You're too smart for your own good."

In my Torah studies, the tendency to do evil, “yatzer hara,” is a natural part of human behavior according to Prophet Isaiah (Isaiah 7:16) and Rabbi Yeshua ben Yosef (Matthew 7:11). We were born to know the difference between right from wrong. Parents were commanded to guide their children to walk the path of righteousness for God (Proverbs 22:6).

From Exodus 20 to Deuteronomy 34, God was the Israelites' Messiah, who led them out of Egypt by passing through the Sea of Reeds, and protected them into entering the promised land so as to be God’s chosen people. They were sent there to be pacesetters. 

Even though each tribe had Judges (shofetim) set their authority as military leaders and protectors of their community, they desired a King to lead them. When God anointed Saul ben Kish of the tribe of Benjamin, Saul repeatedly disobeyed God's commands. When David became a courtier at Saul's house after killing his cousin, Goliath, Saul became increasingly jealous and fearful of David's success in battles and recognized David's popularity, particularly from his daughter, Michal, including his soldiers and  among the people of Israel. 

Goliath was said to have been the son of Orpah, who was the sister-in-law of Ruth, David's great-grandmother. David ben Jesse took the throne when King Saul lost the battle of Gilboa. David's children fought for the throne until Solomon was old enough to be anointed as the chosen heir. 

King Solomon's reign and its aftermath, as depicted in the Bible, can be interpreted as a prophecy of both divine blessing and potential downfall. He was blessed with immense wisdom and riches, but his later descent into idolatry led to the division of the kingdom. The mid rash (Sefer HaRazim) of King Solomon was told that he was one of history’s ten greatest and most powerful kings (Zechariah 14:9) in Israel. He had obtained a magic ring from King Ashmedai.

Solomon's son, Rehoboam was opposed by Jeroboam for the throne which led the land of Israel to split into the North and South. Jeroboam ruled over the Northern Kingdom of Israel (Samaria) while Rehoboam ruled over Judah (where the term "Jews" came from). Since then, the land of Israel was in turmoil. God sent prophets to Israel in the hopes of guiding, correcting, and warning the people to turn away from sin and idolatry. 

Isaiah was sent during the reigns of Uzziah (or Azariah), Jotham, Ahaz, and Hezekiah, the kings of Judah. Isaiah's message to the people of Israel was that God is their Messiah — their Savior and Redeemer, the mighty One of Jacob. The warning message found in Isaiah 14:12 was a metaphor depicting Attar, who is associated with the morning star (Isaiah was referring King Nebuchadnezzar II to Attar). In the mythos, Attar attempts to dethrone the high god Ba'al. Ba'al was Canaan's deity, which was worshipped by the Hittites, Syrians, and Assyrians. Babylonia's mythology was largely influenced by its Sumerian counterparts and was written on clay tablets inscribed with the cuneiform script derived from Sumerian cuneiform. This prophecy was made in the year King Achaz died and the righteous Chizkiyahu assumed the throne.

"I will rise against Babylonia and cut off his descendants," declares the Lord of Hosts (Isaiah 14:22)

One of the earliest known uses of the Star of David is this decorative stone carving from the synagogue in Capernaum (Kfar Nahum), an ancient fishing village on the northern shore of the Sea of Galilee in Israel around the 2nd to 3rd century. 

On May 14, 1948, David Ben-Gurion, the head of the Jewish Agency, proclaimed the establishment of the State of Israel. 

Israel was called to be a beacon of light for the world. A covenant between God and Abraham. God foretold Abraham that his descendants are many as the stars in the sky, but will befall hardship and persecution. When the Israelites were oppressed in Egypt, God made another covenant with the tribes of Israel. The Levites were set apart as holy people — to teach and guide the community on how to live their lives. Judah’s tribe was made to lead even though Benjamin’s tribe was chosen to issue a king.

By the time the land of Israel was taken by Rome, the Pharisees emerged after the Maccabean revolt. They were heavily influential with Jewish traditions and the Mosaic Laws.

The Sadducees represented the authority of the priestly privileges and prerogatives established since the days of Solomon, when Zadok, their ancestor, was officiated as high priest from the first temple.

The Sanhedrin (Judges) were elected during Moses’ time (Numbers 11:16). After the fall of the second temple, they established themselves as the Beit HaMidrash (House of Learning).

Why did God choose the Hebrews to be his children if they are also susceptible to yatzer hara? If you are one who is familiar with Jewish history, then you should know that they were the only ethnic people who believed in God’s power.

The reason why Jesus came to be was to share the good news — that if anyone who believes in the Messiah, will receive eternal salvation from death. 

When God created the Heavens and the Earth, he wanted to reveal His glory, knowledge, and powers, and to enable humans to experience God's goodness through caring for the world. That connection with God was severed when Eve ate from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. Prior to eating from the Tree of Knowledge, Adam and Eve were blissfully unaware of the existence of evil, dramatically illustrated by the fact that they freely roamed about unclothed, completely oblivious to yatzer hara. 

If God removed evil, humans would be unable to choose for themselves, making their actions robotic and devoid of genuine love or moral responsibility. In other words, they would function like the host of angels, who were created to only do one specific task.

Eternal death was not God's plan for his creation. The Hebrew word for sin, "chet," literally means "to miss the mark" or "to fall short." Jesus taught the multitudes on the Mount of Beatitudes (Matthew 5:3-20).

Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 

Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.

Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.

Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled. 

Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.

Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.

Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God. 

Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake. 

Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you. 

Ye are the salt of the earth: but if the salt have lost his savor, wherewith shall it be salted? it is thenceforth good for nothing, but to be cast out, and to be trodden under foot of men. 

Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid.

Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house. 

Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven. 

Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfill. 

For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled. 

Whosoever therefore shall break one of these least commandments, and shall teach men so, he shall be called the least in the kingdom of heaven: but whosoever shall do and teach them, the same shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven.

For I say unto you, That except your righteousness shall exceed the righteousness of the scribes and Pharisees, ye shall in no case enter into the kingdom of heaven.

Jesus continued to elaborate the 613 mitzvot. The verse "Thou shalt not kill" is found in Exodus 20:13 and Deuteronomy 5:17, the sixth of the Ten Commandments. 

That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment: and whosoever shall say to his brother, "Raca (Aramaic word for "empty-headed")," shall be in danger of the council: but whosoever shall say, "Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire. Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift. Agree with thine adversary quickly, whiles thou art in the way with him; lest at any time the adversary deliver thee to the judge, and the judge deliver thee to the officer, and thou be cast into prison. Verily I say unto thee, Thou shalt by no means come out thence, till thou hast paid the uttermost farthing."

The phrase "bring a gift to the altar" is most directly associated with the Day of Atonement (Yom Kippur) and the sacrificial system in Leviticus 23:27. It was not a release from the principles or the commands of the Law, but rather just a release from the punishment due to us for our trespasses against the Law. 

The first Yom Kippur observance in the Torah is linked to Moses returning from Mount Sinai after receiving the Ten Commandments, where he found the Israelites worshipping the Golden Calf (Leviticus 16:29-31). Please understand that, Yom Kippur is not a call to do harm to yourself, but rather the idea is to refrain from food. 

Yom Kippur is a time for reflection, repentance, and striving to reconcile with God and one's fellow humans. Those who cannot fast due to medical reasons or young children are exempt from performing the ritual. There are five distinct prayer services on Yom Kippur: 

• Maariv (evening service), with its solemn Kol Nidrei service, on the eve of Yom Kippur;
• Shacharit (morning service), the morning prayer, which includes a reading from Leviticus followed by the Yizkor memorial service;
• Musaf (additional morning service), which includes a detailed account of the Yom Kippur Temple service;
• Minchah (afternoon service), which includes the reading of the Book of Jonah;
• Neilah (closing service), the “closing of the gates” service at sunset, followed by the shofar blast marking the end of the fast.

Just as Yom Kippur is a day of fasting, the eve of Yom Kippur is set aside for eating and preparing for this holy day. Here are some of the activities that Jewish families do on the day before Yom Kippur:

• Kaparot is often performed in the wee hours of this morning
• There is a beautiful custom to request and receive a piece of honey cake, so that if, G‑d forbid, it was decreed that we need be recipients, it be fulfilled by requesting honey cake and being blessed with a sweet year
• We eat two festive meals, one in early afternoon and another right before the commencement of the fast. Many have the custom to immerse in a mikvah on this day.
• Additional charity is given. In fact, special charity trays are set up at the synagogue before the afternoon service, which contains the Yom Kippur Al Cheit prayer.
• Just before the fast begins (after the second meal has been concluded), it is customary to bless the children with the Priestly Blessing (Numbers 6:23-27).

Yevarechecha Adonai ve-yishmerecha (יְבָרֶכְךָ יְיָ וְיִשְׁמְרֶךָ):

"May the Lord bless you and keep you."

Ya'er Adonai panav elecha ve-yichunnecha (יָאֵר יְיָ פָּנָיו אֵלֶיךָ וִיחֻנֶּךָּ):

"May the Lord make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you."

Yisa Adonai panav elecha ve-yaseim lach shalom (יִשָּׂא יְיָ פָּנָיו אֵלֶיךָ וְיָשֵׂם לְךָ שָׁלוֹם):

"May the Lord lift up His face to you and give you peace."  

• Holiday candles are lit before the onset of the holy day. Read more about the various candles traditionally lit before Yom Kippur.

In Exodus 20:14, Jesus elaborates the seventh of the Ten Commandments. The Torah does not say why only a married woman having sex outside the confines of marriage is considered adulterous, but the marital norms in biblical times offer a clue.

That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart. And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell. And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell. It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.

Traditional Jewish law also sometimes regards marriage as an acquisition of sorts, in which a woman is permitted to her husband and forbidden to all other men — in effect, she belongs to him, but he does not belong to her. According to the biblical account, if a woman commits adultery but there are no witnesses to the act, her husband may bring her to the priest, who has the accused drink a potion made from earth from the Temple and dissolved ink. If the woman is guilty, “her belly shall distend and her thigh shall sag; and the wife shall become a curse among her people.” If she is innocent, she will be unharmed. Its gravity is underscored by its being punishable by the death penalty for both the man and the woman. Adultery is inscribed opposite the commandment not to have any gods other than God — i.e. idol worship — suggesting a connection between the two. This equation of adultery and idol worship is echoed in various biblical texts that compare Israel’s abandonment of God to an adulterous woman who is disloyal to her husband. The implication appears to be that disloyalty to one’s spouse is comparable to disloyalty to God. As in other cases, here too, biblical law distinguishes between intentional and unintentional acts. Rabbi Abraham Ibn Ezra, a 12th-century Spanish commentator, suggests that adultery is a violation of the commandment to love one’s fellow as oneself.

Jesus prohibits divorce primarily because he emphasizes the sacred and unbreakable nature of marriage, viewing it as a union ordained by God. Deuteronomy 24:1-6 describes the circumstances of divorce when initiated by the man, the woman is not depicted as having a say in the matter. What Jesus warns men who divorce his wife for the sake of his personal lustful desire, is to warn them of the consequences by doing so, causes all parties to commit adultery. 

My heart goes out to my mother. She was a battered wife for 35 years. My mother could have divorced her husband when we emigrated here in the U.S. She didn't. She was stuck in the mindset of being a Filipino bound to her marriage contract as an indentured servant to her husband. When she exclaimed that she made sacrifices, I do not deny them. She worked 7 jobs while my father was sending his earnings to his relatives in the Philippines. It was apparently to pay off a plot of land. The plot of land overlooks the city of Manila. I remember him taking me there when I was 5. 

Before he passed, I dreamt that the house he was going to build was 3 stories high. It had a big kitchen enough to hold a party of 30 people. The second floor would accommodate my sisters and me. The third floor would be my parents' wing. In the dream, my father asked if my mother would be happy. I answered, "No, she wouldn't. You didn't consult her of what she wanted. You could have told her what you were doing. You left her destitute, estranged, and battered." He let out a sigh, then cried, and told me it was time for him to go. He asked me if I could apologize on his behalf. I replied, "No, you have to talk to her. I am not your feelings."

When I received a call from my mother to tell me that my dad passed, I laid in bed numb. My mother told me that he smiled after his last breath. When I tried to tell my mother how I felt about my dad passing, she made a big fuss about my responsibilities as the eldest child. Everyone at work, including my husband (my child's step-father) and my child encouraged me to go console my family. The moment I agreed to do so, my mother insisted that I come on my birthday.  

I was livid.

Even though, I was a battered wife, my birthdays were always celebrated with jubilee. My child's father hated the way my mother treated me — especially when it came to my birthday. I could have alluded to staying married with my child's father until my life was extinguished, but what purpose would it serve my child? The apostle Paul tells us there’s one other situation where God permits divorce: “If the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases, the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace” (1 Corinthians 7:15). If you feel unsafe in your home, you may need to flee. Trust me, it was not an easy task.

This applies to abused married men too. My father initiated the battering wherein my mother retaliated harsher. The mental capacity of enduring 35 years of toxicity negatively impacted not only my parents, but my sisters too. I took most of the brunt force. There are some days people are amazed of why I'm still alive. 

The detriment of my well-being affected my relationship with others. A wise man once told me that it would be difficult to love others if I cannot learn to love myself. I wanted to show my child that I love them dearly. My discipline should never be out of anger. Discipline is a matter of principle that requires patience, guidance, grace and mercy. I swore to myself and to God that I would follow Jesus - in my speech, my thoughts and my actions.

"Thou shalt not forswear thyself" is a biblical commandment from Leviticus 19:12 essentially means that you should not break an oath or vow, and you should be honest in your commitments. 

But I say unto you, Swear not at all; neither by heaven; for it is God's throne: Nor by the earth; for it is his footstool: neither by Jerusalem; for it is the city of the great King. Neither shalt thou swear by thy head, because thou canst not make one hair white or black. But let your communication be, Yea, yea; Nay, nay: for whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil. Ye have heard that it hath been said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth: But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if any man will sue thee at the law, and take away thy coat, let him have thy cloak also. And whosoever shall compel thee to go a mile, go with him twain. Give to him that asketh thee, and from him that would borrow of thee turn not thou away.

I was 7 years old when my mother asked me if I was going to take care of her when she grows old and decrepit. At the time, I understood age as it was described in the Bible. Abraham was at the ripe old age of 86 when he had Ishmael (Genesis 16:16). I readily answered, "Yes," without hesitation because the term decrepit to me meant not physically or mentally strong. My mother is in her early 70s. She is barely in a decrepit stage of old.

She told me to never lie to her. Surely I was guilty by omission in keeping information from her, but I was protecting my sisters from abuse. I felt in this matter, I didn't have to prove to her that my memories of the event were falsified. My mother has this vendetta against me for being a chronic liar. If you truly knew me, I am a horrible liar. You cannot trust me with secrets especially when the motive of the information is to do harm. However, I am beholden to my commitments — especially when someone's life is on the line. If you tell me not to tell anyone, I will tell you whether or not I could keep the promise. It's up to you whether you want to keep me alive or remove my tongue. I am grateful to have both my life and my tongue because I always made sure that I never bore false witness against another.

My mother has exposed me to a lot of media with depictions of court cases against women wherein the jurisdiction was to prove her rape was valid. For whatever reason why she did so, I would never understand. If my mother had been raped, then she would have done everything in her power and authority to prevent all of her daughters from sexual harassment and molestation. She accused us for being promiscuous sluts instead.

Jesus emphasized Leviticus 19:18 by challenging the Rabbinic traditional interpretation of only loving your neighbor. The misinterpretation throughout the ages was that if you stick to your own kind, you'll never go wrong. If that were the case, would my mother have been happier marrying a full-blooded Filipino? 

When I was tasked to investigate my genealogy, I found my ancestors were from the Negritos Islands and the Malayan Peninsula on my maternal side. From my paternal side, the Bikolnon were from the Ibalnong region, who were descended from Austronesian peoples. It wasn't after World War II that they integrated with the Spanish colonizers, who also brought Mexican explorers with them.  

But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; that ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust. For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same? And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so? Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.

Jesus emphasizes that true followers of God should strive to be as loving and merciful as God himself, extending their kindness to all, even those who may be their enemies. I barely made any friends in Primary School. I was ganged up by a bunch of boys. They stole my stationary and destroyed my textbooks. Since the principal told my father, "Boys will be boys," I was transferred to another school. When I was in high school, I used to say that I have no enemies until one particular person who sought to do harm against me. He was a teacher. One day, he used a ruler to slap my face and another time he blew up a balloon on my head. This was the only time my mother filed a complaint to the principal to do something about him. He was eventually fired after another incident where he violently laid a hand on a student. It wasn't just any student that he punished with a blunt object. The student was one of the Sultan of Brunei's children.

My mother constantly nagged me in making friends by sharing the story of Jesus. I didn't understand what the big fuss was about evangelism until it hit me hard in a most traumatic way imaginable. I was 13 when my mother invited her friend to "exorcise" my demons. I was in no way possessed by demonic entities. I would not wish that on anybody. The concept of Satan may horrify some, but to be possessed by demonic entities, is not one I would want to encounter. Unfortunately for me, I stand to witness its horror. 

The story began when my mother had read my journal, Carlos. I told Carlos how much my life was miserable. I also wrote to Carlos that I was conflicted as to why God would allow abusive parents to exist. 

My mother handed my journal to her friend who convinced her that she was ordained to exorcise demons. I have watched the movie "Constantine," enough to know that a priest and a bishop must be present for the ritual. Even though my mother's friend read the first few pages from Carlos, she insisted that my mother help her create a bon fire. I was required  to give up everything that I owned — especially items that were black in color or had no spiritual value to it, and to be brought to her. She rifled through my things because my mother told her not to trust my words. As soon as my belongings were burnt, she chanted something incoherent. Trust me, it did not sound Latin. She spat on my palm, grabbed my wrist and slapped me with it. Then she said an incoherent prayer and slapped her hand on my forehead. I was unnerved so, I prayed to God to protect me from harm. I've watched too many "end of the world" horror films thanks to my parents. As much as I talked about suicide with Carlos, I didn't want someone to murder me - especially not in front of my sisters.

For whatever reason, I felt my sisters and I were in danger. Something I am still trying to explain other than having a keen discernment of Moral Certitude. I stole the master key of my bedroom, which I also share with my sisters, from my parents' room. I locked the door for the night and told my sisters that under no circumstances should they open the door. Sure enough, I heard the door rattling. I quickly put a door stop in case they manage to unlock the door. This was right after the day my mother signed a car title under her name. Her friend disappeared without a trace. My mother was livid and went ballistic into slapping me sideways when I opened the locked the door of my bedroom. My mother later found out from another one of her church friend that this woman, whom she claimed as her friend, was wanted for being a pedophile. My mother never thanked me for saving her daughters from being kidnapped.

The pastor whom my mother sought counsel from, told me that it was my disobedience that caused this misfortune to befall my family. The pastor prayed for me and told me to stay in Sunday School until I believe in Jesus. It took me a moment to realize what the pastor was trying to do. He was making my mother feel justified in allowing a pedophile into our bedroom. My mother insisted that I give my money to the church, so that I may be forgiven.

Take heed that ye do not your alms before men, to be seen of them: otherwise ye have no reward of your Father which is in heaven. Therefore when thou doest thine alms, do not sound a trumpet before thee, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may have glory of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward. But when thou doest alms, let not thy left hand know what thy right hand doeth: that thine alms may be in secret: and thy Father which seeth in secret himself shall reward thee openly. And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward. But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly. But when ye pray, use not vain repetitions, as the heathen do: for they think that they shall be heard for their much speaking. Be not ye therefore like unto them: for your Father knoweth what things ye have need of, before ye ask him.

I am an insufferable accommodating person. Despite everything I went through, I was still being mistreated. I know I stated earlier that I was 14 when I told my mother I had enough of her violent belligerence towards me. I still feared for my life. I wanted to be brave for my sisters. I had to protect them. My mother viewed my protest as an act of defiance. Protest typically involves public dissent or objection to a specific policy or action, often within a legal framework. Defiance, on the other hand, often implies a more assertive and outright rejection of authority or rules, sometimes even involving law-breaking. As a child, I never broke any laws.

I was 9 years old when I overheard the pastor say that he had enough tithes to buy a new rice cooker. I took back my 5 dollars from the collection bag. My sister saw me and without second thought, I gave her 3 dollars back. The pastor's assistant saw me and asked me what I was doing. She also called my mother. I told her that I wasn't stealing money. I told her that I wanted my money back because the pastor wanted to use God's money to buy a new rice cooker. I took a severe beating that day. For that, I resented everything the church did. In most denominations, tithes and offerings collected by a church are used to support the church's operations and ministry, including the pastor's salary. The pastor typically doesn't directly handle the money; instead, the church's finance committee or treasurer oversees the funds and manages the budget.

Regardless of my thoughts and actions, I was introduced by my parents as the belligerent and obstinate child. It wasn't funny then. I was fighting to survive a hostile environment.

My parents never allowed my sisters and I into taking martial arts even though we grew up watching Jet Li, Jackie Chan, Bruce Lee, Don "the Dragon" Johnson, and Ernie Reyes Jr. Just like any teenager with an insurmountable amount of time, my sisters and I would pretend protecting the world from evil (Exodus 22:2) with our pretend martial arts (only swinging and flailing our arms about). We would smack trees with sticks. I would taunt my dog to play the "bad guy." Good times. I had a knack for story-telling and bringing my imagination to life. My mother hated the way I was influencing my sisters.

When I was sent to college, I had the opportunity to take up Ninjitsu. I never told my parents. My sensei understood my reservations in paying for the lessons. He allowed me a week to participate in his class. I wished I had earned my own money to continue attending the classes. Even though I had 5 days of Ninjitsu training, I was fast and strong enough to stop my dad from attacking my mother. I grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, and threw him down the floor. I took my father by surprise. He didn't realize he punched me until he got up from the floor. His punch took me by surprise too. I thought I would have fallen down with him, but I was still standing in Shizen No Kamae stance.

My mother never thanked me for saving her after my father's arrest. My youngest sister was emotionally torn. She thought I was callous and apathetic when I suggested that my parents get a divorce. My mother did not have any money to get a legal representative. There were plenty of legal resources in San Diego, California for my mother to take advantage of. She didn't. 

When I left to follow God's calling, she believed in her heart that she gave me permission to leave the family. She called me on my 35th birthday to tell me otherwise. She resented me for leaving her with my abusive father. She said a lot of things that invalidated my existence. With that, she ended the message, "I wished you were never born. If I could go back in time, I would have aborted you. You wouldn't have made my life so miserable."

Nothing she ever said or did made any sense. Asking God for wisdom in this matter was a moot conversation. I recite the Lord's prayer (Matthew 6:9-13) everyday. There are times I sing it while I perform my morning routine. 

Ever since I began my Torah studies in October 2017, saying my mother's name during the prayer for healing gives me comfort that God is working in her life. 

Ba-ruch a-tah A-do-nai, ro-feh ha-cho-lim. בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יְיָ, רוֹפֵא הַחוֹלִים

We praise You, Eternal God, the Source of healing and health 

My mother has been my source of understanding the world for 25 years. Even though she painted my world with jaded experiences, she didn't get to live my life. Her incessant proclamation that Jesus should be my only source of goodness, didn't deter me from experiencing love in the most unconventional way. It doesn’t matter who Jesus is to me. What matters is what was written in the scriptures — that Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life. You don’t have to take my word for what it is. 

My life experience is my own. I am the only eye witness to my life experiences. No one can take that away from me. I believe what Jesus said was true about God. God is love. We were created so that love abounds. Angels don't have that gift.

The Rabbinic text intentionally moved the dates to confuse the future generations of people about Jesus’ existence. Jesus is, was, and always has been a Jew. He was born in Bethlehem, a city in the West Bank of Palestine. Yet, he was treated the same way I was treated. You would think that Jewish people would care to their own kind. The Torah has records of brothers pitting against their own brother.

Since God knew many people will reject Jesus as their Messiah, Jesus was careful where he performed miracles and when he can teach God's word to every willing soul about how to connect with God. His teachings were to simply seek redemption, believe in his teachings, follow him, and accept the Messiah was in  their midst accordance to God’s prophecies. Jesus never confirmed or denied his divinity. Jesus has been reported to have referred to himself as "the Son of Man" a total of 81 times. In Aramaic, "Bar 'ěnoš" means "Son of Man," which is a Semitic expression of saying "someone." In Hebrew, the term is "ben-adam," which means "Son of humankind." In other words, Jesus told the Sanhedrin that he was one of them. It was misinterpreted that Jesus was proclaiming he had the same authority as the Sanhedrin.

The Talmud has records of the sanctuary torn to pieces as it was described in Matthew 27:51, Mark 15:38 and Luke 23:45. If all accounts point to the same event, wouldn't that prove that Jesus exist? Who am I to tell you? I'm just sharing my personal experience to how I met God.

Would I ever have the same spiritual experience as King David had with God? I can't say for sure since I wasn't born then when King David wrote his songs (Psalm 32:7; 46:1) about it.

Even in the midst of sorrow, I am grateful. God saved me and kept me — just as He promised.

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you

— Deuteronomy 31:6 

"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

No weapon that is fashioned against you shall succeed, and you shall refute every tongue that rises against you in judgment. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord and their vindication from me," declares the Lord.

— Isaiah 41:10; 54:17